Children’s Literature and Emotional Intelligence
Sep 11th, 2009 | By marshajacobson | Category: Emotional Intelligence, Lead Article
Although concepts of emotional intelligence are evident in literature as far back as the early 1900’s, Daniel Goleman was the first to popularize this idea in 1995 with his book “Emotional Intelligence“. The belief that improving emotional intelligence can improve overall success in life grabbed the attention of the western world. Today, we find tools for assessing and teaching emotional intelligence flooding work environments, healthcare and even the US army!
While many books have been written about developing emotional intelligence in children, the materials for assessing and teaching emotional intelligence are largely aimed at adults. There is a shortage of hands-on material developed specifically for children, particularly ones that parents might use in the home. This is unfortunate and the time to act is now! The most efficient and potent time to teach emotional intelligence is during childhood. This can be achieved in schools as well as in the most important place of learning, the home.
What are the best tools for teaching emotional intelligence to our children? Obvious important tools are emotionally intelligent parents who make the decision to educate themselves using the literature existing in the marketplace today. There are also, very powerful tools that have been largely ignored as a means of developing emotional intelligence. These are children’s storybooks. With few exceptions, children love to read or be read to and any “teaching” using this medium will always be perceived positively.
Children learn best by example. Whether it’s observing the behaviour of their parents, influential adults or peers, they mimic behaviour. The old adage “do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t fly in this enlightened generation. Stories, if used correctly, can teach by example and can be an extremely potent way to direct children’s learning.
Choosing the correct books is of utmost importance. Books of great value to the development of positive emotional intelligence are those that demonstrate empathy, exploration of feelings (both positive and negative) and in particular stories that show by example a child evolving and growing with the help of a parent or significant caregiver. The connection between the child and caregiver is an extremely important one and using this relationship in stories can be a powerful teaching tool. Adults should be depicted as demonstrating appropriate empathy, accepting the child’s feelings without judgement and helping the child identify their different feelings. They may suggest solutions but only after the child feels completely heard and understood. Teaching a child is always more effective if done at this point.
Parents or adult readers should not be afraid to become active participants during story time. It is a perfect time to explore feelings with their child. Use the story as a platform for further exploration. Discussion at the end of the story can be invaluable. Questions like “What’s another word for that feeling?” or “Have you ever felt like that?” or “What would you do if you felt like that?” can accelerate the acquisition of emotional intelligence.
Sharing your own feelings is another way to get the child to open up. Do this with caution; however, making sure that you are not putting words in the child’s mouth. Just by letting them know that these are your feelings and that everyone has different feelings is often enough.
This is not to say that these kinds of books have to be dry and boring. Far from it! Exciting and interesting stories that capture the child’s imagination and attention will deliver their message with much more punch. Teaching children emotional intelligence can and should be a fun and positive experience.
Teach an adult emotional intelligence and change a life, teach our children and change our world.
Marsha Jacobson is author of "Boom... Boom... Boom...: A Story to Raise Your Child's Emotional Intelligence". She is a regular contributor of mychildfeels.com and you can visit her website at marshajacobson.com.
This is simply fantastic. Thank you so much for the wonderful article! I am re-posting it as we speak…
Thanks Shara! Hope you keep visiting. We have lots of new exciting stuff in the works. Checked out your website. It looks great!
Nice article… enjoyed reading it and certainly do agree with everything said.
As an English graduate and passionate book lover, I am really pleased to see this article; but it also reminded me of a post I wrote a while back on my blog about the difficulty between distinguishing between fiction and reality as a child (http://www.findingmelissa.co.uk/2009/07/formative-fiction/), and the possible impact that this had on my perceptions of myself.
I just wondered if you had any thoughts on this – of whether perhaps it offers a way of addressing and working through insecurities and questions at an earlier stage and as part of emotional development?
Thanks for the comment Melissa. I read some of your blogs and appreciate what it must take you to share what you do. Someone close to me suffers with bulimia and I know that my reflection is limited considering the emotional depth of the disease. It would be flippant of me to even try and say something to do justice to your suffering.
Your thoughts about distinguishing between reality and fiction made me think. It certainly is a fine line and I think that the most impactful (is this a word?) thing that a child can receive about this is a grounded upbringing. Reading unrealistic books can be an unparalleled wonderful, imaginative experience, which, if left completely alone may well cause the problems that you spoke about. Parenting is never perfect, so we don’t always do it right. Because of my exposure to eating disorders, I am particularly vigilant about literature that convey unrealistic concepts of body image. I cannot stop my children reading and I certainly cannot monitor everything that they read but I do try very hard to point out inconsistencies, whether it be from magazines, pop culture or other literature. We often have family discussions about topics like these. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t and can’t stop our children reading but we can bolster their self esteem and resilience by raising them with frank discussion about values.
As it relates to emotional intelligence, we can teach children from a very young age to be aware of their emotions and to feel comfortable discussing them. By doing this we make them better equipped to recognize how they feel and even if it is not comfortable for them, to communicate with others.
Thanks again,
Marsha
Thanks for your response and completely agree that frank discussions and using literature to explore emotions is really important. I don’t think it was the body image things that gave me unreal expectations of life – I guess it was more about not following any difficult emotions or unexpected emotions up with discussions; and I suppose the trick is to use literature to bring these to the fore in a safe environment and as part of development so kids are able to keep talking about the difficult things.