What does it mean to have a sense of humour and where does this fit into emotional intelligence? Many successful people have a twinkle in their eyes. They often are able to laugh good-naturedly with others and will often laugh at themselves. However, humour is one of those characteristics that so easily can turn from “feel good” to “feel bad.”There is a fine line between good-natured teasing and putting someone down, and between funny clever remarks and sarcasm. A person with a high emotional intelligence has the ability to know the difference. For those of us working on raising our emotional intelligence, how do we develop an emotionally intelligent sense of humour?

Laughing and smiling are essential to a full life. We do both when we are happy. Laughing is often a great release of emotion and triggers a release of chemicals in our brains that make us happier. Smiling is an instinct in humans. It is seen in children as young as 4 weeks old. Smiling and laughing are often infectious and can easily spread to other people. Laughing together can often feel very connecting and connecting with others is at the core of all relationships.

Many wonderful childhood memories are those that have occurred with humour. When a family laughs in a spirit of togetherness, the value of that connection is enormous. Laughter is a strong emotion and when a strong positive emotion is connected to an event in childhood, it is remembered. Connecting in a family with humour increases our emotional intelligence.

Possessing a good sense of humour is a by-product of having high emotional intelligence. The greatest sense of humour comes from kindness, which is a characteristic present in people with high emotional intelligence. A person with good empathy will know when it is appropriate to laugh.

Another common place that humour can often occur is when something unexpected happens. A person’s ability to laugh in situations like this is often related to how that person generally deals with the unexpected and how quickly they can adapt to seeing a situation in a new way. Self-understanding and knowing how to deal with feelings, yours and others, produce this lack of rigidity. Learning how to do this with humour is yet another characteristic of high emotional intelligence.

Everything that we ever learn as humans, from riding a bike to knowing when to laugh, grows with practice. There is a necessary period of self-consciousness before it feels natural and automatic. People who live a life of spontaneous joy have learned to live that way. They have all “worked” in some way on developing high emotional intelligence.

Along with many other characteristics of high emotional intelligence, we can and should teach children to use humour appropriately.

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Marsha Jacobson is author of "Boom... Boom... Boom...: A Story to Raise Your Child's Emotional Intelligence". She is a regular contributor of mychildfeels.com and you can visit her website at marshajacobson.com.