Many parents don’t do this because they hold two mistaken beliefs. First, they believe that it is their responsibility to make their child happy; and second, they believe that feelings of anxiety in their child means that they have failed somehow.

It is our responsibility to provide our children with physical, spiritual, educational and emotional nourishment so that they may reach their potential in all these areas. Feelings of anxiety are natural to our human condition. As adults we know this and yet somehow we think that we can change this humanness in our children.

Teaching your child to identify their anxiety, accept it and learn from it is the opposite of failed parenting. People who know how to process their negative feelings are much happier overall. And it all begins in childhood.

I have not always known this. I most definitely did not with my oldest child. When he first experienced anxiety I can honestly say it was all about me. If he felt anxious, I felt more anxious. And so it progressed until we felt so out of control and sought the help of a psychologist.

She met with us first and listened to the problem we were having. She met with my son and then called us in for her assessment. Her words were (almost to the letter), “Your son is experiencing some anxiety but is going to be fine. You on the other hand have a problem.” While her words were met with disbelief, they planted some seeds that I’m happy to say grew into a tree of understanding – and continues to grow.

Three children later we are faced with our most challenging child, but I say this with a smile because I don’t really believe that she’s challenging, simply stimulating. She is gifted which often brings excessive anxiety from catastrophic thinking. I have learned much. I have learned that her anxiety is not mine and that her parenting is different to the parenting that I had.

I’ve learned that allowing her to express her feelings does not result in losing control but brings a calmness to her life that can only come from being heard. I’ve learned how to respect and mother at the same time. I’ve learned that it’s sometimes better to weather a storm than to run away from it.

Thanks to my kids, I’ve have learned how to face my own anxiety and accept. I am a much better mother for it.