Joe Rich’s “Parenting: The Long Journey”

marshajacobson — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:33:53 +0000

My oldest son is recovering from back surgery. My daughter is anxious about not meeting up with us in heaven after we die. My youngest son is awaiting anxiously to hear about his medical school applications and my middle son is stressing about the amount of school work on his plate. I admit that enmeshing myself in my children’s emotions is a huge problem of mine.

I did myself a great favour by reading Joe Rich’s book: Parenting: The Long Journey. It went a “long” way in helping me put my parental anxiety in perspective. With the abundance of parenting books out there I pick and choose what I read carefully. My selection criterion is simple. To the best of my knowledge does this author walk their talk? An author’s truth to self means everything. Having known Joe for some 20 years, I have the advantage of a little inside information. I have seen his parenting first hand and listened to him speak on numerous occasions. As a regular on CTV’s Cityline, many have had the privilege of hearing him. He’s warm, funny, caring and a great parent, the perfect person in my opinion to write a parenting book.

If I was forced to summarize Joe Rich’s book in one sentence, it would be this: It is a book about perspectives. Regardless of your personal parenting beliefs or styles, this book will feel illuminating. Joe shows us how to focus on what we are doing right, not wrong. I don’t think I’m alone in being guilty of doing the exact opposite! He sees parents as experts and places the power to successful parenting in the hands of parents. The gem of Joe’s book is in providing us with wonderful examples of how to parent our children with love, firmness and respect. He tells us to aim for “better” and not “perfect.” I love that. Aiming for perfect has always got me into trouble and now I know why!

The greatest mind-altering moment for me in this book was Joe’s discussion about thinking “long.” Knowing what you bring from the past to your present approach to parenting is not only useful but can really take your parenting to a new level. Sometimes when we are stuck, this is exactly what we need to do. Looking “long” into the future has really helped me find balance. I realized for the first time how totally involved I become in every anxious moment of parenting. With four children, these moments quickly add up to constant time. Looking ahead and realizing that this too shall pass, allows me to see the woods and to take some real breaths. Thank you Joe!

Every great parenting book needs to include practical suggestions and this book does not disappoint. From putting a jacket on a toddler, to yelling, financial planning, computer issues and even keeping romance alive, Joe discusses issues that are relevant to parents. If you want to grow as a person and a parent, read this book!

Marsha Jacobson is author of "Boom... Boom... Boom...: A Story to Raise Your Child's Emotional Intelligence". She is a regular contributor of mychildfeels.com and you can visit her website at marshajacobson.com .

Let Go of Your Past by Making It Count

marshajacobson — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:54:11 +0000

I felt honored to be interviewed by Anamarie Seidel, co-author with her husband Cory, of the upcoming book, “What You Don’t Fix … Your Kids Inherit.”

Thank you Anamarie for making me think! The premise of this book is as the title suggests: we need to commit to personal growth during our lifetime if we want to break the cycle of passing on to our children stuff that we don’t want them to receive. If we choose to leave ourselves alone, we perpetuate the habits, beliefs and attitudes that our past experiences have created. We become driven by unconscious forces. Regardless of the nature/nuture components of these forces, I believe we can change.

To make these changes we first have to focus on who we are. We cannot ignore our past because this gives it a power that it shouldn’t have. I’m a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s my “curl up in bed, late at night with a cup of coffee” pleasure! I was pleasantly surprised some months ago when a therapist gave advice to one of the characters suffering with post traumatic stress disorder. It went something like, “You cannot get to where you want to be unless you know where you are coming from.” In other words, our focus on our past is essential for understanding ourselves but what we do with that understanding is what will define us. We need to free ourselves of the past and its influence on our behavior by facing it.

An open mind is key. Without it, we will miss opportunities to grow. I would rather try something and find it absolutely useless than potentially miss out on a gem. Becoming a parent makes our need for personal growth a priority (not that we shouldn’t be doing it for ourselves alone). We need to be able to choose how to parent and the only way to do this is if we become conscious parents.

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Joe Rich’s “Parenting: The Long Journey”

Let Go of Your Past by Making It Count