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Guest Blog: Helping Young Children Who Speak Different Languages Become Friends

marshajacobson — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:00:52 +0000

It gives me great pleasure to welcome Karen Nemeth to mychildfeels.com. I met Karen over Twitter (follow her @KarenNemethEdM) and she was kind enough to write a guest blog.

In the multicultural societies of North America, tolerance and kindness towards others begins in the cradle. Karen has some wonderful and helpful suggestions on how to create an environment conducive to these attributes. Karen is the author of “Many Languages, One Classroom: Teaching Dual and English Language Learners” (2009) and has her Masters degree in education. Thanks Karen for providing us with your great perspective. – Marsha

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Children from different home languages are the fastest growing segment of the preschool population right now across the United States. Chances are most English-speaking children will meet children who speak other languages in their neighborhoods, schools and childcare. We can all benefit from fostering attitudes of tolerance and friendship.

Research tells us that all preschool children need to continue learning in their home languages even while they are also ready and able to learn a second language. My hope is that all young children can learn to make wonderful social and emotional connections regardless of language, culture or ability.

I’ve included a lot of suggestions for helping diverse children communicate in my book, “Many Languages, One Classroom: Teaching Dual and English Language Learners” (2009, Gryphon House). Here are some practical strategies that you can use to help young children get along with their diverse friends:

Be a language learning role model: Research shows there are cognitive advantages to becoming bilingual. Even more important, this is a great way to show that you respect and enjoy diversity of languages and cultures and you are willing to give it a try. Help children get beyond their shyness about trying to pronounce unfamiliar words. And, above all, learn to properly pronounce every child’s name because it is an extension of their identity!
Narrate children’s play: This helps bridge the communication gap by giving the English speaking children clues about how they can understand their new friend and by providing new vocabulary and understanding for the English language learner. You might say, “Oh, Tomika is reaching for the blue play dough. I think she is making a snake. Ryan, you want to use some blue play dough too? Let’s see how we can help Tomika understand how fun it is to share playdough with a friend!”
Teach everyone to use “motherese”: Even preschool-aged children can use these time-tested techniques to build basic language. Remind all the children to speak slowly, to use gestures, expressions, props and pointing, to emphasize key words, and to be patient as they look for signs their friend has understood their message.
Assign language buddies: Establishing a buddy system guarantees that every child will have a ready-made friend to start with. Depending on who is available and what are the language levels and needs of each child, think of different ways to pair children. You might ask a more experienced bilingual child to partner with a newcomer, or pair a nurturing English-speaker with a child who is just learning the language. This benefits the newcomer for sure – but think about how terrific it is for the other buddy to be entrusted with such important responsibility!
Prepare adults to foster multilingual friendships: Sometimes programs or playgroups may have one adult who speaks the other language of the children. That’s a wonderful thing – but even better if that adult is prepared to include other friends in the play, stories and games. Every monolingual English child should have the experience of participating in play that is conducted in a language they hardly know.
Try using sign language: Using American Sign Language (ASL) in the U.S., and other versions in their respective locations, is a fantastic addition to any preschool child’s life. Many of the signs used by young children really do look like the concept, so they are easy to remember and use. For example, the sign for ‘drink’ is to hold the hand as if gripping a cup and putting it to the lips. As long as we depend on using gestures to augment our communication – why not use standard signs as gestures? Then all the children will be learning the same gestures to clarify communication even if the group has many different languages. I’ve seen children rush to teach signs to newcomers so they can get to know each other right away.

I know there’s a lot of talk among advocates and experts about how important it is for American children to learn to communicate with people from different language and cultural background to support our country’s ability to compete in the global marketplace. Right now, I am most interested in helping young children develop confidence, self-esteem, and the joy of being able to make new friends!

Karen Nemeth, Ed.M. is an instructor at Bucks County Community College in Pennsylvania. She is also a consultant and website developer (www.languagecastle.com) on supporting dual and English language learners in early childhood education. She is the author of “Many Languages, One Classroom: Teaching Dual and English Language Learners” (2009, Gryphon House). She is a writer and consulting editor for NAEYC and is the Early Childhood Special Interest Group co-coordinator on the board of NJTESOL-NJBE.

Marsha Jacobson is author of "Boom... Boom... Boom...: A Story to Raise Your Child's Emotional Intelligence". She is a regular contributor of mychildfeels.com and you can visit her website at marshajacobson.com .

A Wonderful Letter to Grade 5 Students

marshajacobson — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:00:15 +0000

My daughter Gabi has been at school for 5 months now. I finally got around to asking her homeroom teacher whether I could share a wonderful introductory letter she gave students on the first day of class. This is truly a letter worth sharing.

It is thoughtful on so many levels. It’s relevant to the children, speaking about TV shows and games that they were all familiar with. It immediately sets the tone of humanness, speaking of a range of feelings. It demonstrates, by example, exactly what will be expected from the children.

In my experience, teachers often will “talk the talk” but somehow lose the connection between what they preach and how they act. My daughter is happy in this class. She feels heard, comfortable and motivated. This is thanks to a teacher who understands children and lets them know! This letter defines emotional intelligence. Enjoy!

Dear Grade Five Students,

Welcome to grade 5! If you are a little bit nervous about starting a new class, I know how you feel! I am a little bit nervous too.

When I want to have fun I hang out with my husband, my friends and my daughters. We love to watch “So You Think You Can Dance,” play games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band or bike ride. I am looking forward to the new Beatle Rock Band! In the summer I love camping in Algonquin Park, travelling to Pittsburgh to watch my daughter play soccer and going to art shows.

If you saw me in elementary school, you might think I was a snob. I used to be very, very shy and I would not talk to people until I got to know them. Then, watch out! Once I got to know you, I would talk your ear off! I was always the smallest one in the class but I loved sports and was faster and stronger than anyone.

I think school should be a place where everyone feels safe and able to learn. School should be a place where students and teachers learn from each other. This year I hope to learn as much from all of you as you learn from me.

I feel proud when I know I have done my very best work and when I do something to help another person. I really get angry when people are cruel or unkind to others. I think our four class agreements are very important and will help create a ‘safe’ learning environment for all of us this year.

I am looking forward to hearing about each of you! Please write me back.

Sincerely,

Mrs. S

Better Parenting Can Save The World

marshajacobson — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:06:11 +0000

The Huntsville Times published an article on November 1, 2009 called, “Better Parenting Can Save The World,” by Judi Light Hopson, Emma H. Hopson, R.N., and Ted Hagen Ph.D.

This article, short and sweet, says it all. I wanted to reinforce the message.

Education Begins In The Home

marshajacobson — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:37:56 +0000

I found a simple, yet powerful, letter in the Los Angeles Times. Esther A. Jantzen wrote an opinion letter entitled, “Dear Richard Riordan: An open letter to the former L.A. mayor on making parenting education part of public school reform.” I couldn’t say it better myself, so I won’t. It’s short and to the point and well worth reading.

Guest Blog: Campaign to STOMP Out Bullying by Sue Scheff

marshajacobson — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:53:09 +0000

I’m excited to welcome Sue Scheff on mychildfeels.com to continue the discussion about bullying and cyberbullying. Sue and I met over Twitter (follow her @suescheff) a short while ago. In her guest blog today, she profiles an organization called Love Our Childen USA and the upcoming National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week. Being a Canadian, I hope that the efforts of Love Our Children USA will spill over to Canada. I know I will be wearing a blue shirt on October 5 (it’s my birthday too) to show my support. Will you? – Marsha

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Love Our Children USA recently announced that bullying and teasing is at the top of kids’ issues at schools, and with school now open, parents, teachers and school administrators must take caution and sensitivity in handling these issues. Childhood should be a time filled with wonder and joy, but the reality for many kids and teens is often much different. They’re the victims of bullying and cyber-bullying at school or on neighborhood playgrounds.

October 4 – 10, 2009 is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week.

To observe the week, Love Our Children USA will speak at various schools about bullying, cyberbullying and preventing it.

To signify the importance of the week, Love Our Children USA created National Blue Shirt Day. Specifically on Monday, October 5th, the organization is asking kids, teens and adults to participate in national BLUE SHIRT DAY by wearing a blue shirt to STOMP Out Bullying.

They chose blue because in many diverse cultures blue brings peace. The color conveys importance and confidence.

On Monday, October 5th, Americans across the country will wear blue shirts as they make their way to school or to the office as a grassroots national campaign to STOMP Out Bullying. Participation is expected from major cities and proclamations from leading politicians and civic leaders. This day will be supported with a national media campaign. Last October, the organization created STOMP Out Bullying.

To date over 48,000 people have committed to STOMP Out Bullying. Kids who are intimidated, threatened, or harmed by bullies often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more serious antisocial behaviors. Some kids are so traumatized by being bullied, that they contemplate suicide. Bullies often have been the victims of bullying or other mistreatment themselves.

Ross Ellis, Love Our Children USA Founder and Chief Executive Officer, remembers only too well what it is like to be bullied. Today it’s a regular occurrence in schools starting as early as kindergarten. It’s not a right of passage as some may think. It’s a crisis. And many kids have committed suicide because the taunting was so torturous. Bullying can be so painful and clearly has played a role in recent school shootings across the country.

While boys are more physical, girls use weapons, exclusion, slander, rumors and gossip. And beware of cyberbullying which is on the rise. This social online cruelty is used in the forms of e-mail, cell phone; pager text messages, instant messaging, defamatory personal Web sites, and defamatory online personal polling Web sites, deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior, and is used by an individual or group — intended to harm others – especially amongst our youth.

While most kids use the Internet for friendly interactions, more and more kids are using these communication tools to antagonize, terrorize and intimidate others. Ellis said “parents must keep open communication with their children. Look for signs. And school administrators can no longer sweep the issue under the rug. Students should be educated about the harmful effects of bullying. Many schools are sweeping the issue under the rug. Every school should declare No Bullying Policy and enforce it.” Ross Ellis suggests that schools set up a web site where kids can anonymously report the person who is bullying them. That way victims can feel safe in making the report and the school can deal with the bully.

Recent Statistics Show:

1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.
1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some “Bullying.”
8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
100,000 students carry a gun to school.
28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.
A poll of teens ages 12-17 proved that they think violence increased at their schools.
282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.
More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
80% of the time, an argument with a bully will end up in a physical fight.
1/3 of students surveyed said they heard another student threaten to kill someone.
1 out of 5 teens knows someone who brings a gun to school.
2 out of 3 say they know how to make a bomb, or know where to get the information to do it.
Almost half of all students say they know another student who’s capable of murder.
Playground statistics – Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention -4% Peer intervention – 11%. No intervention – 85%.

Ellis said “helping your children cope with either being a bully or being a victim often requires outside assistance, such as from your child’s school or the community. School is the most likely place for bullying to occur, so discuss your concerns with your child’s teachers and counselor and ask what they can do to help. School personnel can be influential in helping a child modify his behavior. Take advantage of any psychological counseling services that may be offered at your child’s school or in your community.”

Bullying is a form of child abuse and bullies are very likely to grow up as an adult who abuses children. More information about bullying and how to help your children and students can be found at www.stompoutbullying.org

About Love Our Children USA: Since 1999, Love Our Children USA has paved the way as the national nonprofit leader that honors, respects and protects children. Its mission is to break the cycle of violence against children. Love Our Children USA has become ‘the go-to’ prevention organization for all forms of violence and neglect against children in the U.S. It works to eliminate behaviors that keep children from reaching their potential. It redefines parenting and creates kid success by promoting prevention strategies and positive changes in parenting and family attitudes and behaviors through public education. It works to empower and support children, teens, parents and families through information, resources, advocacy, and online youth mentoring. Its goal is to keep children safe and strengthen families — Its message is positive … one of prevention and hope.

Sue Scheff is a parent advocate. She believes that educating parents on an industry that is extremely confusing is the first step to finding the best help. Since 2001, Sue Scheff has grown her organization, Parent’s Universal Resource Expert’s (P.U.R.E.™), to be widely recognized and well respected throughout the country and world. Her new book “Google Bomb: The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet” was released earlier this month.

Children’s Literature and Emotional Intelligence

marshajacobson — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:36:19 +0000

Although concepts of emotional intelligence are evident in literature as far back as the early 1900’s, Daniel Goleman was the first to popularize this idea in 1995 with his book “Emotional Intelligence“. The belief that improving emotional intelligence can improve overall success in life grabbed the attention of the western world. Today, we find tools for assessing and teaching emotional intelligence flooding work environments, healthcare and even the US army!

While many books have been written about developing emotional intelligence in children, the materials for assessing and teaching emotional intelligence are largely aimed at adults. There is a shortage of hands-on material developed specifically for children, particularly ones that parents might use in the home. This is unfortunate and the time to act is now! The most efficient and potent time to teach emotional intelligence is during childhood. This can be achieved in schools as well as in the most important place of learning, the home.

What are the best tools for teaching emotional intelligence to our children? Obvious important tools are emotionally intelligent parents who make the decision to educate themselves using the literature existing in the marketplace today. There are also, very powerful tools that have been largely ignored as a means of developing emotional intelligence. These are children’s storybooks. With few exceptions, children love to read or be read to and any “teaching” using this medium will always be perceived positively.

Children learn best by example. Whether it’s observing the behaviour of their parents, influential adults or peers, they mimic behaviour. The old adage “do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t fly in this enlightened generation. Stories, if used correctly, can teach by example and can be an extremely potent way to direct children’s learning.

Choosing the correct books is of utmost importance. Books of great value to the development of positive emotional intelligence are those that demonstrate empathy, exploration of feelings (both positive and negative) and in particular stories that show by example a child evolving and growing with the help of a parent or significant caregiver. The connection between the child and caregiver is an extremely important one and using this relationship in stories can be a powerful teaching tool. Adults should be depicted as demonstrating appropriate empathy, accepting the child’s feelings without judgement and helping the child identify their different feelings. They may suggest solutions but only after the child feels completely heard and understood. Teaching a child is always more effective if done at this point.

Parents or adult readers should not be afraid to become active participants during story time. It is a perfect time to explore feelings with their child. Use the story as a platform for further exploration. Discussion at the end of the story can be invaluable. Questions like “What’s another word for that feeling?” or “Have you ever felt like that?” or “What would you do if you felt like that?” can accelerate the acquisition of emotional intelligence.

Sharing your own feelings is another way to get the child to open up. Do this with caution; however, making sure that you are not putting words in the child’s mouth. Just by letting them know that these are your feelings and that everyone has different feelings is often enough.

This is not to say that these kinds of books have to be dry and boring. Far from it! Exciting and interesting stories that capture the child’s imagination and attention will deliver their message with much more punch. Teaching children emotional intelligence can and should be a fun and positive experience.

Teach an adult emotional intelligence and change a life, teach our children and change our world.

For Many Children, Back to School Means Facing Bullies

marshajacobson — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 14:31:21 +0000

I read a great article in examiner.com entitled “Parenting Intervention for School Bullying,” written by Kara Tamanini (@KidTherapist). Our kids are back at school and bullying is something that, unfortunately, many have to face. The more that parents familiarize themselves with all aspects of bullying, the greater chance we have to diminish it’s tentacles. Some of the things I liked about this article were the links to other great sites on bullying. Be sure to click on these.

You’re Fat

marshajacobson — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:00:18 +0000

I felt a sadness and a quiet desperation when I read an article in parentcentral.ca by Joseph Hall called “Children Feel Weight of Body Image.” He discusses the tragic obsession about body image and weight in our youth. Nothing new except that the study under discussion looked at about 4,200 children from Nova Scotia and found that children as young as 10 were concerned with their weight and how they looked.

With my own children not fitting the “super-model” mold, I am all too aware of the pressures that kids have to face. Unfortunately, while we can do our best to speak out against the media and the role that they play in the way that many of our children see themselves, we are still faced with our child’s perception of their reality.

Shouting out against the media doesn’t help our little one’s feelings when they are called “fat” by their peers. But creating an emotionally resilient child may. As parents, we are often helpless to control our child’s world and our strength lies in the influence we have on our child’s perceptions of his world.

Do you think you’re fat?

If the answer to this is “yes” then the chances are that you are part of your child’s problem with their body image. Being honest with yourself about your own body image can be the first step you take towards change. To our child, our non-verbal language is as loud, if not louder, than our verbal. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your child can tell the difference. Sometimes honesty means admitting that you have a problem too, and that’s ok.

Teach your child to know and understand their feelings. High emotional intelligence is strongly correlated with high self-esteem. Children, even those who do not fit the “model” image, are less likely to develop disordered eating problems than those with low self esteem.

When your child says, “I’m fat,” don’t tell them they’re not. Allow them to process they way that they feel. Feeling heard is often the greatest bolster to their resilience.

Trustful vs. Directive-Protective Parenting

jonathandanson — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:33:10 +0000

Just read a great article called “Why Have Trustful Parenting and Children’s Freedom Declined in Recent Decades?” written by Peter Gray for Psychology Today about some of the reasons why parents today feel the need to be overly directive and protective in raising their children. He talks about some of the historical and social shifts in communities, schooling and parenting that have caused children to be viewed as fragile and incompetent rather than resilient and competent.

How do we reach a good balance between direction and freedom?

Jonathan is a Masters student at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education of the University of Toronto (OISE/UT). His current research focuses on interpersonal variables that affect emotional experience, expression and growth in survivors of trauma.

Back To School Jitters

marshajacobson — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:30:51 +0000

As the summer draws to a close, school feels like a distant memory to many children. Many focus on the unknown like their teachers, new children and curriculum. This can result in feelings of panic, anxiety and overwhelm.

True, there are many new things that they must face but for most there is also much that remains the same like old friends and school routine. Parents can help them to remember these things.

Friends are the most important part of the school experience for many children. Getting together with old friends is a great way to ease them back in. If the school is new, try and find a way to contact a fellow student and arrange a meeting prior to day one. This works particularly well with younger children.

Validate your child’s feelings because this is hands down the best way to deal with your child’s anxiety. Reflect back to them in a non-judgmental way what they are saying to you. Starting something new provokes some degree of anxiety in all of us and letting them know that we understand will do wonders. If your child is obviously anxious but is clamming up, share your own experiences from childhood or make a best guess at what they are feeling. You will know soon enough if you have missed the mark. If you get it right, most often children will affirm your assessment of the situation and may even add to it.

Try not to evaluate or problem-solve before you have allowed your child lots of time to simply be with their feelings. This alone greatly increases your child’s ability to cope with their anxiety.

Anxiety in children has many faces including silence, tearfulness, anger, change in appetite and acting out. Investigate the feeling behind the behavior by asking lots of questions and by playing the guessing game.

Spend lots of time hugging, kissing and cuddling. This does not make separation more difficult. When your child feels loved, they walk more bravely into the world.