No one, of course, is wholly guided by perception. Our rational minds are constantly evaluating and revising our perceptions in an effort to more closely approximate the “real” – the true meaning of an utterance, gesture or incident. Often, to be sure, our perceptions are dead on, such as when the intent of an ambiguous gesture is accurately discerned (e.g. a friendly hug is recognized for what it is and not misconstrued as romantic). Other times, contrarily, our perceptions lead us astray, obscuring the reality of a situation with a host of ideas that can result in needless negative emotional experiences (or, sometimes, risky positive ones).

These are hardly new concepts, and they are taken into account by the majority of people at least to some extent in their daily lives. We recognize, for instance, that motivations are often hidden and that we must use the information available to us in order to form as accurate a perception as possible. What we often fail to take into account, however, is that perception in interpersonal interaction is a dynamic process that involves a thinking, interpreting and evaluating mind other than our own. In other words, when we attempt to get at the “true” meaning of another individual’s actions, we may forget that that person’s actions are themselves based on interpretation. Thus, where we seek truth we find only more subjective perception.

Taking a fresh perspective, as is often preached through the adage “walking in someone else’s shoes”, is in my opinion one of the most important steps towards empathizing with and understanding others. By recognizing that our ways of interpreting the world are complimented by infinite variations, we can begin to understand true motivation; that is, the motivation behind motivation. The reasons why some react with anger when we would have reacted with kindness, or how someone’s opinion can be so drastically different from our own, for instance, become more available as we realize that the same forces acting upon our perspectives are acting upon others in varying degrees and combinations.

Asking the question “what might I have done in a situation” will provide some important insight into others’ behaviour and help you to understand their motivations. It is equally important, however, to wonder how others’ unique perspectives lay the foundations for the way they feel, think and act.  Teaching children (and recognizing ourselves) that others respond to their own perspectives, no matter how off track they appear to be, with the same conviction that we respond to ours, will undoubtedly help to foster social intelligence, self-awareness and empathy.